When the stop button can't be close enough...

Sometimes when music is on, the stop button can't be close enough. Often, people talk about music being something that helps them to feel better, but this isn't always the case. I can't give any 'diagnoses' or specific reasons for why this happens...but I thought I might open space for the conversation.

Some people have never been able to listen to music. It's just noise. For others, there was a time when music was a large part of their life, but for known or unknown reasons, they can't listen to it anymore. Then of course there's the times that listening to music just makes us feel worse (this is probably a whole other blog post!). I'd like to share how my mind understands these experiences.

Music and emotion
Music can be an expression of emotion. Often when we've experienced certain life events (or ongoing/prolonged life events) - such as a trauma or loss, our body and brain step into protection mode to reduce the pain. However, when this happens, we lose sense of not only the pain, but all emotions - leaving behind numbness, anxiety or anger. If our body isn't ready to feel, I sense that turning music off, could be our body's way of protecting itself from pain and connection.

Music and memories
Music has this amazing capacity to take our minds back to a certain event - whether it's a party, funeral, or a song that reminds us of a particular person or relationship. This can be great when it's a good memory at the right time, but it can also trigger memories, moods and physical reactions that we'd prefer to leave back in January 1983 or August 2004. This then may lead to the response that I mentioned above on music and emotion.

But...we cannot escape music (it's everywhere now!) - and sometimes we'd just like to be able to enjoy music (or life) again.

As I mentioned above, I'm a big believer that we chose not to listen to music because we are protecting ourselves - it's a way of coping and managing the feelings that are too big for our body to contain right now. It can get to a point though, where this self-protection actually hinders us from moving forward.

I facilitate in-patient music therapy groups for people who've experienced complex trauma. Some have said they cannot listen to music due to their life experiences. Some won't attend music therapy initially (I think even not knowing what music therapy is can be frightening in itself). During the first few sessions some people will stay in the room for 5-10 minutes before leaving. By the 3rd or 4th session the same people will remain in the room for the whole session. By the 5th or 6th (or later)* session, the same people will remain in the session and experience moments of 'feeling' whether it's through crying, laughter, experiencing a moment of peace, contentment or expressing grief and anger (or sometimes all of the above). Some 'feel' for the first time in music therapy and others express themselves for the first time. I feel really fortunate and honoured to be apart of these vulnerable moments.

*Please note that these sessions usually occur over 1-2 years due to the nature of the program.

So how does this process eventuate? I don't think I can do justice to the amount of strength, courage, vulnerability and determination it takes for people to move through this process. In fact, I don't know exactly how it happens (one day I'll do research on it!), but my thoughts are that it stems from building resilience. I think that resilience is different for everyone - but I particularly identify with Brene Brown's model of shame resilience (see this post for more). As well as resilience, it involves a lot of grounding to the present moment (we often refer to breathing, taking note of items in the room or holding items in hands). Some people are able to build their resilience through their existing relationships. Others, however, may not have access to the empathy or compassion they need, so may turn to building their resilience through the help of a therapeutic relationship. Ultimately, however, it is through this connection that we can hopefully access the resources we need to feel and move through pain so we can experience the full platter of emotions that enable us to enjoy, appreciate, grieve, cry, laugh or just be.

...

This is just the beginning of a conversation. A conversation that might give you food for thought - or one that you can contribute to yourself.

Ordered chaos

At times I think about how I'm going to order this blog.  But then I realise that the reason we have creativity and play is because life is undeniably messy and some things just aren't meant to be tidied up. So there you have it. This blog may have no order at times, but will just represent what is important to me at various points in my days or weeks.

Welcome to my organised chaotic paradise.

Creativity - a missing link in mental health?

One thing that I always notice in my work - is that adults are often afraid to make music or sometimes engage in music therapy because they might get it wrong. Why? I mean as children we're always trying something new - making up our own games - unafraid. But something happens and we lose that courage to just have a go. Our education system is set up for us to get jobs and that there is a right way and a wrong way. So you either keep trying till you get it right or you get it wrong and then give up - or not try at all - cos if you don't try at least you don't have the chance for failure.

So who decides what's right and what's wrong? When we come into adulthood and discover that there are no rules for sustaining or forming relationships - there's no rules on creating the lives that we want - no guidelines on being human - no rules on expressing our authentic selves - we start to get a little lost...possibly because we have not been taught to create without borders.

I believe that creativity in education is essential - and it is missing in the way the learn as children, young people and adults. Without creativity we become afraid of what could go wrong instead of thinking of the wrongs as being part of the process. I also wonder whether there is a link between the way we educate - and the cognitive distortions we take on?

I also believe that creativity in mental health recovery is essential. Creativity develops many life skills:

• The ability to see one situation from many perspectives
• The ability to feel emotions and express oneself authentically
• The ability to make connections
• The ability to engage in the present moment or understand the past
• The desire to make change and try something new
• The ability to withhold judgment (from the self and others)
• and I'm sure many more...

Need any more excuses to get your creative on?

Inspiration from YouTube

Thanks to the world of social media, I was introduced to this video approximately 18 months ago - which inspired my interest in 'shame resilience.' I was always interested in vulnerability and connection - and Brene Brown put it into the language I was searching for!

You can learn more about her at www.brenebrown.com.

Enjoy...
 

Why Press Play?

So why the name Press Play? For me, it means so many things, so I thought I might take some time to share...

Press Play (music)

Press play on your iPod, MP3 player, Record player, Cassette player, Discman, Walkman, CD player, radio...it could make a difference to the way you experience the moment.

Press Play (as opposed to rewind, fast forward, pause or stop)

Sometimes our heads live on rewind (shame and anxiety about the past) or fast forward (fear and worry about the future). For myself (and the research also suggests), I work better when I'm living in the present moment. So through my work in music therapy, I hope to help people move from rewind/fast forward to stop or pause, so they can press play on their lives.

Press Play (on your own life)

Sometimes it feels like someone else has control of the remote of our lives...whether it's a person in our lives, our career, an illness or our past...being able to set your own values, beliefs, goals and to take action can be the most empowering thing that can happen.

Press Play (and rest and create)

Traditionally adults don't play. I'd like to put a change to that - because when we don't give ourselves a chance to play, we don't give ourselves the chance to live fully. Play outdoors, dance, play music, play with your family. And...while we're at it let's also rest and create - because without those things we have a tendency to lose sense of who we truly are.

so to cut a long story short... please take some time to Press Play in your own way :)

feel free to contact me at info@pressplaymt.com for more information.