The conformity box

As adults we so quickly fall into training babies and children to be adults. I think though that they have so much to teach us if we let them.

Conformity can begin from birth in our culture. There are many benefits. Conformity gives us rules and guidelines on how should dress, behave, speak and how not to dress, behave and speak. When it works well, conformity looks neat and tidy. So all in all conformity works right?

Maybe there is a home for it somewhere, but I haven't found it to be effective in my own existence as yet. If we don't fit into the neat tidy box of conformity (which we all experience at various points in our life if not every day!) we are considered to be weird, different, a loner, misbehaved, too quiet, too loud, mentally ill or essentially not good enough. If we do fit into the box, we spend every day putting all of our energy into keeping our place in the box. I have so many concerns on how this affects us through youth and adulthood.

I'm not gonna lie. I step into conformity myself. Sometimes I wish people would be just like me, I wish people or children would do what I tell them to and then other times I try to squeeze myself into the right type of clothes, the right groups of people and try to be the cool, calm, outgoing, in control person. These are the days I feel powerless and small no matter how successful I am at getting myself or others into that box. I believe that conformity breeds anxiety, stress, anger, depression, fear, self-hate, shame and possibly much more.

The days that I feel my best are the days that I let myself learn from the people and events in my life and surrender myself to not knowing (turns out I can't read minds or the future), creativity, play, curiosity and the gap in life. I didn't learn that from my family or my school education...I first learnt it through music, art and dance...and try to practice it in the way I play, rest and work :)

Where does conformity fit for you?

Playing with boundaries

2013 has brought many changes for me. Over the last 3 year's I've set value based New years resolutions. 2010 was simplicity, 2011 was freedom, 2012 was truth, but this year it was mindfulness. I talk about mindfulness every day, but I decided that this year I had to make action and physically make it a part of my life. You know the whole 'practice what you preach' kind of thing. The more I've been experimenting with mindfulness (I say experiment because practice sounds like it needs to be 'perfect'), the more I've realised that boundaries are a core part of it.

We all have boundaries. Some stay close to us while others blur into someone/something else, but ultimately boundaries define who we are and who we are not... they're not easy to set because they take a whole lot of self-respect and self-compassion (which kinda goes against the grain of the western world).

My online presence. I've recently set up a website, blog and business facebook and Twitter account about something that I'm very passionate. I'm exposing my self in a new way to the world. I wouldn't be able to do this effectively without checking in with myself and acknowledging when I do overstep my limits.

Work. I recently restructured my work so I'm working more inline with my own values and giving myself time to be more mindful of my actions. But this also means that I have to remember to clock off even if I'm in the middle of something I'm deeply passionate about/or something that is sucking my precious energy dry.

Play. I'm focusing on making play and creativity my priority. This admittedly doesn't come naturally and it means I HAVE to set aside time where I consume myself 100% with my own immediate needs and the important people in my life.

So here is where my boundaries lie.

Somewhere between myself and my computer (I know I lose sense of who I am and my social skills/capacity when I've spent all day at a computer screen).

Somewhere between myself and my work. My work is only a part of me - but the more time I invest in it, the more it becomes me or just the same, I become my work.

Somewhere between myself and the people in my life. I need people in my life but I cannot please every one - therefore I need to look after myself as well so I can be present with both my own and other's needs. There's a line somewhere between me becoming someone else (and losing my voice) or others becoming me (and losing their voice).

And...

Somewhere between myself and creativity...this one is blurred for me at the moment - as I believe that when I'm in a state of creativity and play - I'm being authentically me (though I can imagine that if I was in the public eye for my creativity I could run the risk of my products defining who I am as a person rather than a representation of a certain experience).

Boundaries will be stretched, dented and squeezed...but I and we are only human. If we don't play with boundaries, how do we know who we are - and who we are not?

It's all part of the dance...

Creativity - a missing link in mental health?

One thing that I always notice in my work - is that adults are often afraid to make music or sometimes engage in music therapy because they might get it wrong. Why? I mean as children we're always trying something new - making up our own games - unafraid. But something happens and we lose that courage to just have a go. Our education system is set up for us to get jobs and that there is a right way and a wrong way. So you either keep trying till you get it right or you get it wrong and then give up - or not try at all - cos if you don't try at least you don't have the chance for failure.

So who decides what's right and what's wrong? When we come into adulthood and discover that there are no rules for sustaining or forming relationships - there's no rules on creating the lives that we want - no guidelines on being human - no rules on expressing our authentic selves - we start to get a little lost...possibly because we have not been taught to create without borders.

I believe that creativity in education is essential - and it is missing in the way the learn as children, young people and adults. Without creativity we become afraid of what could go wrong instead of thinking of the wrongs as being part of the process. I also wonder whether there is a link between the way we educate - and the cognitive distortions we take on?

I also believe that creativity in mental health recovery is essential. Creativity develops many life skills:

• The ability to see one situation from many perspectives
• The ability to feel emotions and express oneself authentically
• The ability to make connections
• The ability to engage in the present moment or understand the past
• The desire to make change and try something new
• The ability to withhold judgment (from the self and others)
• and I'm sure many more...

Need any more excuses to get your creative on?

Why Press Play?

So why the name Press Play? For me, it means so many things, so I thought I might take some time to share...

Press Play (music)

Press play on your iPod, MP3 player, Record player, Cassette player, Discman, Walkman, CD player, radio...it could make a difference to the way you experience the moment.

Press Play (as opposed to rewind, fast forward, pause or stop)

Sometimes our heads live on rewind (shame and anxiety about the past) or fast forward (fear and worry about the future). For myself (and the research also suggests), I work better when I'm living in the present moment. So through my work in music therapy, I hope to help people move from rewind/fast forward to stop or pause, so they can press play on their lives.

Press Play (on your own life)

Sometimes it feels like someone else has control of the remote of our lives...whether it's a person in our lives, our career, an illness or our past...being able to set your own values, beliefs, goals and to take action can be the most empowering thing that can happen.

Press Play (and rest and create)

Traditionally adults don't play. I'd like to put a change to that - because when we don't give ourselves a chance to play, we don't give ourselves the chance to live fully. Play outdoors, dance, play music, play with your family. And...while we're at it let's also rest and create - because without those things we have a tendency to lose sense of who we truly are.

so to cut a long story short... please take some time to Press Play in your own way :)

feel free to contact me at info@pressplaymt.com for more information.